It’s menopause awareness month. And amongst all the fantastic resources being shared and downloaded, there are the stories, real life stories, from real people and their experiences with mental health.
We know that talking about mental health helps to weaken the stigma. So, I thought I would share my story. Let me start by admitting this is a little bit out of my comfort zone. It’s not because I’m ashamed, as a psychologist I talk about mental health regularly. But what I struggle with is talking about myself in such a public way – with friends, family, or a coach, I’m fine with it, but on social media… not so much.
To be honest I see sharing my mental health story on the same level as sharing with you what I dreamt about last night – it’s not all that interesting, but here goes….
I was in my second year at uni having the time of my life when I first experienced “the fear”. It came out of nowhere. My life was great, so I could find no good reason to explain how I felt, which of course made me feel even worse.
I literally woke up one day with an anxious, sick feeling, like I had just been told someone I loved dearly had died… and yet my life was peachy. This feeling got worse, and resulted in a few panic attacks. I suffered in silence for a while and then one day, when visiting my best friend, I confided in her. She listened, then shared an almost identical story. We sat in the pub, and hugged and sobbed, feeling relief beyond measure that we weren’t alone, and the fact that we were both going through “the fear” must mean it was probably quite normal. It was the first time I realised the power of talking about, and sharing this stuff. Over the next few years I lost track of the number of similar conversations I had, always ending up with a huge sense of relief that we weren’t alone.
I never did get to the bottom of what triggered the fear in me. My hypothesis was that at 20 years old, I was, for the first time, beginning to wake up to my own mortality, but who knows. I worked through it, and am thankful to have enjoyed a relatively anxiety free existence until a few years ago. Once again I literally woke up one morning and felt very different. I was anxious, but this time also depressed, I could find little joy in anything. I didn’t necessarily feel sad, I felt nothing, interspersed with regular bouts of anxiety, not a winning combination I have to say.
I threw everything in my psychologist’s kitbag at it: exercise, gratitudes, meditation, coaching and more, which helped a bit, but I just didn’t feel like my normal self at all. Then after a couple of months, out of nowhere, the joy returned and kicked the anxiety to the curb. But, then I started to notice something else, some physical symptoms which signposted loud and clear the underlying cause of my mental health challenges. I realised I was peri-menopausal.
Initially I felt this was happening way to soon, I was in my mid 40s – surely I was way too young! But as each week went by, I ticked off yet another symptom. For me ,the worst by far was the foggy brain. I have always been someone with a really good memory, a quick thinker, a problem solver. And then the next thing you know I am struggling to remember people’s names, lyrics to a song I know really well – to write a blog even! And I have to write everything down to ensure I don’t forget it. I’ll be honest, it scared the sh*t out of me. I need my brain for my job, and more importantly I need my brain to be me – without my good memory and quick thinking, who am I?
After a good amount of time of accepting my lot, and thinking I just had to put up with it, I finally went to see my GP. To cut a long story short I was fobbed off, told to just get on with it. So I have continued to battle with these symptoms for the last few years.
Then over the last 12 months, I started hearing whispers from women I follow on Instagram, stories from other women I know, who like me, had been told no to getting any help, but who had found a way. I investigated further and allowed myself to hope that maybe I could get the treatment I needed to feel like me again. So a few weeks ago I had a zoom with a private menopause Dr who was absolutely amazing, and I started the treatment a couple of days later. I came off the call with a massive smile on my face and hope that things might start to change. And you know, it’s only been a short time but things are getting better already.
Research shows that 9 out 0f 10 women felt that menopause had a negative impact on their working life. And menopausal women are the fastest growing group of workers, with 4.3 million women in this category. Yet only 1 in 10 organisations have any kind of menopause policy to support women during this period. It’s time for change. We need to get comfortable with talking about this, and more importantly we need to ensure women can get the help they need when they ask for it. If you’d like more info I highly recommend these two websites:
https://www.menopausedoctor.co.uk
And remember even if this doesn’t feel relevant to you today, at some point in your life it will, either because you are going through the menopause yourself, or because you know someone that is.
Thanks for reading
@Emma
