March 23rd 2020 will be forever etched into our memory as the day lockdown began in the UK. And a year on we marked this day as a national day of reflection. A day to reflect on our collective loss, to support those who’ve been bereaved, but also a day of hope for a brighter future. I think it’s fair to say many of us have been engaging in a lot of reflection over the rollercoaster ride of the last 12 months. Personally, I have been thinking about how I have coped this last year, and the over-riding theme for me is friendship. Friendship from family, friends, even my dogs – and acts of friendship from people I don’t even really know.
Friendship is not just a nice to have. Research shows us that the number and quality of friendships we have has a big impact on not only our happiness, but also our health too. For example research has found that those people who report stronger social connections in later life have lower blood pressure. And our friendships can even impact our mortality. Research from Brigham Young University found that people with strong relationships are less likely to die prematurely than people who are lonely.
And science has shown us that loneliness is not good for our health. It is associated with increases in inflammation and significantly impacts our stress responses. All of this results in a weakened immune system. But of course having friends doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t get lonely. This is why the quality and strength of our connections are so important. Deeper connections with other people involve emotion, and they involve empathy. And when we spend time with our friends, even remotely, we release endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, all of which make us feel good and are good news for our wellbeing and overall health.
When talking about friendships, the work of Robin Dunbar is always worth a look. He is well known for his infamous Dunbar’s number. His research found that our capacity for friendship is limited to around 150 people. Any more than that and the quality of the connections we have starts to wane. Dunbar’s latest book ‘Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships’ – delves deeper into his research and thinking, and is well worth a look.
Numbers aside, what is clear is that friendships take work, energy and effort, and many of us have experienced loneliness at some point over lockdown. So don’t be afraid to ask for help – to let your friends know if you’re struggling.
And on the flipside be pro-active and check in with people, ask them how they are doing and make time to really listen to their answer.
If you are struggling with your wellbeing right now, take a look at our wellbeing toolkit, which can help you understand how to take positive steps to improve how you feel.
